Being nice verses being self centred.

So basically if i don't think about social interaction in terms of my own selfdoubts (selfishness) then i can be confident.

today at midday we went to the G+D as a house, essentially, and impuned on Alan Wall's kindness and got plenty of nice drinks in us - i stuck to orange-juice but everyone else got free wine! they are all sloshed.
Alan held it quite well tho'.

Then Kat got there and we all laughed at Jimbo being unable to hold his wine (or any other alcoholic substance). Then i had to go for a 3pm lesson at 2:15 and eat beforehand so i went and got some Vegan Wok & Go (rice noodles, all veg apart from tomatoes, peanuts, tofu, soy sauce, pineapple. OMNOM) and legged it to my class, only to find it was cancelled.

So i came back to the G+D and they wouldn't let me at my W&G there, but that was fine - got some really nice musical chattery going with our beloved professor. Guitar, bongos and synths aswell as others. he's into Jazz too. Told him i love the bit in his Gilgamesh about the temple prostitute. comparing notes. He does the same thing as Billium (RE: Emma when her Beth was over) - if you move away from him to talk to someone else he just accepts it rather than being offended.

Then A. W. left so i got bored and said i was gonna go home but waited outside the G&D instead, where this guy wearing quite a colourful coat and skrambling for a fag (a lighter). asked me for help getting used to the campus and about chester and stuff. we went to binks and the su so he knew what societies there were like rowing, and indie music nights, and then a very drunk @_Fictionette was on the grass so we said hi. so i've been lolloping about showing him stuff then legging it to the train station, missing the train then sitting on some salt bags like gypsy-romani seating going on. lobbing him on a crewe train (he gives quite a hearty hug).

Beth is going to Derby now rather than on saturday. She's still absolutely wankered. I hope she doesn't die or anything.

On the way back i got on the bus there was the army guy and his army dog who asked me for my food but was fine with just strokes, and a mildly goth girl behind me with headphones, and a bloke in Lush who i chatted about being vegan too, and a guy up the steps next to the donut place who was carefully screwing a white board of something. the cherry blossom is really nice around the cathedral.

went to the grass outside su for a tiny while then walked home with Beth talking about (he's 23?!) and debating chips. now she's dashing off to Derby to be with Daniel in a drunken stupor. and i think jimbo's throwing upstairs. loveleh.

but i'm wearing my mom's blue dress-trousers which are so niiiiiice and cool and loose compared to my other stuff. getting some nice crepuscular light going on for mah sunsets.


I've been happy all day. From this day i have learnt something important: 'do what you want' is not a selfish thing, it is a kind thing. like this: if you're constantly thinking 'oh but i don't wanna offend this person, i hope they don't think i'm mean, i hope i'm not ugly in some way to them' so self-depricating, self-centred things, then you won't be happy and you'll seem aloof or shy.
if you're nice to people then you are confident and happy and have no self doubts.
so just be nice to people and don't care about what they think of you, then you'll be happy. 'do what you want' means 'be who you are and accept all others for who they are without worrying about whether you're doing so to the right extent or whatever; the world doesn't revolve around you.'

Happy day.

V.

p.s. sorry for the babble - not my usual refined style. and i know this isn't creative, but it's important. <3